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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
When in doubt, take a nap.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
heyy lol
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?