Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.