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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?