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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs