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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.