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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.