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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.