Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"