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It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?