Daily Silly Status

At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds

I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.

When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.

I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.

That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.

Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.

What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?

How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.

Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.

Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.

The only people without problems are in the cemetery.

It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.