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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss