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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Care less and you’ll stress less.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
High-five a veteran today.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.