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Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
My anger management class pisses me off
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.