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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.