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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.