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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Is Nudeism a religion?
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy