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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....