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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?