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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.