Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.