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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole