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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.