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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"