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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.