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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I want to sleep tighter
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right