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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.