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Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Never squat with your spurs on
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.