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I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.