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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.