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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.