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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
My mind has a mind of its own.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?