Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I want it all and I want it delivered.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...