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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.