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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Being alive is so expensive.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.