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I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?