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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Is there another word for synonym?
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.