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Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
i feel naked without my mobile !
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome