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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.