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I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Go ahead caller 9!!
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, Iām lucky I eat at all.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(