Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers