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Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
take me drunk i`m home
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake