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My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.