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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I fake my lol`s