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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
You look like I need another drink
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.