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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....