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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.