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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.