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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.