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I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.