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Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.