Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.