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You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
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Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone