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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.