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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?