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I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.