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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.