Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Where is the button to restart summer?
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.