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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?