Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Mondays should start at noon.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.