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How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
I play hard to get along with.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.