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Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.