Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.