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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!