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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m late for a disappointment.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."