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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars