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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
lol I rotfl
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun