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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.