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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.