Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.