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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat