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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
“I saw that.” -Karma
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.