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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.