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Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.