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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.