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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.