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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Your things are terrific.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
I need a partner in wine.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.