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If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.