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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!