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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I saw that! - Karma
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
If the shoe fits, buy it.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.